I welcome you to my safe space that I call Happy Daddy. I’m a husband. A son. A brother. I’m also a daddy. A sober daddy.
“I’m a 35 year old Dad to two beautiful little girls, married to a wonderful woman and have a steady enough job. People think I’ve got a good life and should be happy but I have always struggled with being happy and content. It’s frustrating and upsets me that I can’t work out why I feel the way I feel. I wanted to share my story with you to help me on both my own journey and hopefully you on yours…”
- Our Lying Addictive Voice
For years we have fed our addiction with what it wants so naturally as soon as we stop giving it that unlimited flow of alcohol or drugs our addiction needs to up it’s game to reclaim the power from us.
I recently read about some common lies our addictive voice will repeat to us in order to get us to use again. Remember, it has no arms or legs to get the stuff itself so it needs to persuade us to get onside and do the dirty work.
Here are the lies we will be told by our addiction and by others around us who quite frankly, are in denial (and are speaking via their own addictive voices). I have lifted these from the words of Jack Trimpey in his “Rational Recovery” book;
1. Drinking is good for me. It’s good for your heart and cholesterol. A glass of red wine is proven!
2. Drinking / is one of the few pleasures in life
3. Life is hollow / meaningless without the enjoyment drink brings
4. A few drinks makes a good time better
5. I’m a nicer person when I use
6. I’m a better lover when I use
7. I’m more creative when I use
8. I’m funnier when I use
9. Drinking gives me relief from feelings I can’t stand. If I’m angry, fearful, ashamed or depressed, using gives me strength
10. Good food doesn’t taste right without a nice wine to pair with it
11. My body is used of it. I function best with just the right amount in my system
The reason I used to drink was influenced by all of the above at one time or another. They were the perfect reaffirmations to keep the big lie going despite the misery it would continuously bring. I would have spells off the booze after a drink related trip to A&E or the Police Cells but it would be short term and it would never be done with the intention of discovering and loving a sober life. I still hear the above lies muttered by friends, family and colleagues every other day. Only just last week somebody at work was painting the picture of having a drink on holiday to ‘get through it’ with their kids. How is that even a holiday if that’s the mental approach you are taking?
Look, I’m not here to tell people not to drink and I certainly won’t be a hypocrite and belittle those that do because I spent 17 years or so binge drinking and eventually secret drinking with a lot of consequences to both me and those around me.
However, for those reading who are considering recovery, are in early recovery or even further down the line than me I thought it would be good to share some of the many pieces of bullshit our addictive voice will try and pepper us with when we are working hard on our abstinence. They are all lies and it’s solely to get you to use again. We won’t moderate. We will end up in that hole again.