Day 49: Easter Bank Holiday weekend in lockdown with two little kids officially survived. Enjoyed it a bit as well. Still sober too. It’s not been easy at times over the last week but every time I’ve been tempted to have a drink (normally if I’m on my own watching sport or if I’m feeling stressed/anxious) I’ve managed to ride out that period of time. I’m super proud of my progress and I’m determined to remain sober. I’ve not really been involved in Alcoholics Anonymous as much as I expected to be when I left hospital. I’ve joined a few online sessions and not really enjoyed or got much from them. I think because I’m doing my own thing at the moment to keep sober (and it’s seemingly working so far) I’ve been reluctant to dive into the deep end of alcohol support. People have told me I can get involved as much or as little as I like with AA – and I do see it as a valuable part of my longer term recovery but at present I just need to keep doing what feels right in my head. The last week has taught me that the cravings will still come back and hound me and that’s why I will be sure to use AA if the cravings become more frequent and stronger.
My mates have been talking about booking a table at the pub once the restrictions ease later this month. I’ve politely declined. It’s too soon for me to be in that environment. That is one of my anxieties about the future. The social aspect of managing my sobriety and still allowing myself to relax in an environment where 95% of other people will be drinking. I have three weddings this year and a few stag doos. I’ve never been on a stag doo or at an all day wedding reception and not had a drink!
There are a few things I’m enjoying though with my newfound sobriety…
• The obvious – No hangovers / feeling groggy
• Saving money. Even during COVID I was spending ridiculous amounts of money on bottles of whisky. Always single malts too
• Reading more. My evenings end with a clearer head and generally an earlier bedtime so I’ve been reading more. Currently reading Matt Haig’s “The Midnight Library” which is marvellous
• Clear conscience. I’m not lying to people. Hiding my drinking. Regretting what I might have said the night before
• I’m more content. I’m more relaxed. Placid. I used to have a temper – a nasty temper when I drank to excess. A sober me is the real me. A pretty nice bloke apparently!
• The weight loss hasn’t been too bad either…