Day 92: Throughout my teenage years and for the entirety of my 20s I was obsessed about how much I would earn /earned and the hierarchy I would be /was in within my chosen career and workplace. My long term view most definitely worked against me – My main reason for going to University was because I expected I’d then get a job which paid better than my non-higher educated family and friends. Wrong.
I joined the Army and immediately looked at the pay scale of the commissioned officer ranks or the senior ranks of the regular British Army. I didn’t think deeply enough about the fact I’d have to serve for a long time to achieve that rank and no doubt experience many life changing events.
Even my first 10-12 years of working for the large multinational company I am employed by still to this day was about increasing my salary and hierarchical status. Granted I’ve had promotions and pay rises but I’d certainly be unhappy with my current career progression in the company if I was me a decade ago looking forward to 2021.
It was never really about power or greed. I have never been obsessed with money in a material sense and live a fairly frugal life. I think it was always just my obsession with being praised by others and from the outside looking in – being able to demonstrate that I was successful.
It’s taken becoming a father and struggling massively with my mental health / alcohol dependency to strip back my outlook. I now wake up on a morning and focus on being here with my beautiful family for another day. Work is work and I’m taking a more relaxed shorter term view of things and enjoying it more. I don’t make big bold plans months and years down the line. I don’t obsess about my salary or if I’ll be in a more senior position in 12 months. I don’t think about being sober for 365 days. I don’t think about whether my marriage will survive the next 5 years.
I measure ‘success’ on staying sober for another day. I measure success by smiling at something the World can offer us for free like a beautiful sunset or a relaxing run. I am happy if my children and wife are happy. That feeling beats anything else the World can offer me.
Happy Daddy 