Saturday

Day 123: It’s Saturday. England laboured to a 0-0 draw against the ‘olde enemy’ Scotland last night and I went to bed in a huff. Euro 2020 (the four yearly football competition between European Nations) is being played 12 months late due to COVID and in the past I used to use these tournaments as an excuse to drink more in the house and make more frequent trips to the pub.

I watched the match on my own last night in the living room with my tonic water, England shirt on and sore eyes off my Hayfever. I felt a bit down in the dumps because in a sad kind of way I want to be enjoying sporting events like the one last night with my friends. I was all set to go to a mate’s house and a few of us would have been there. They’d be boozing and I’d be driving which was going to be fine because I need to experience more social occasions after the lockdowns and the mental health problems I’ve encountered. Like so many of us have encountered. However, one of my friends tested positive for COVID and because I’ve been in contact with him recently I had a Coronavirus test yesterday and made the decision to isolate until I got the result (which I got at 7am this morning – Negative).

It’s Fathers Day tomorrow and I’m looking forward to spending time with my girls. I’ve spent many previous Fathers Days hungover or drunk because I prioritised alcohol over anything on a weekend. I just hope I can pull myself out of this little dip I’m having this week. I’ll be sober but sober isn’t fun when the depression and anxiety is knocking on the door. Maybe it’s the heat, the boredom, the fact I didn’t go out last night. I dunno, I need to pull myself out of it and have a positive and productive day.

One thing we’ve been doing each week is making Sundays a ‘family day’ so we try and at least go out for a few hours as a family and do something fun. So far we’ve visited a farm, an open air museum, a soft play and a country park. The weather is expected to be rotten tomorrow so not sure we will get anywhere outdoors but maybe an indoor option will come to mind. It certainly makes my Sundays more positive knowing I’ve made an effort to get my two young daughters out of the house doing something. I would have been previously itching for my first alcoholic drink on a Sunday morning after a heavy session on the Saturday or just because it was Sunday, I was off work and I wanted to perk myself up. Alcohol had a great way of controlling my weekend.

So back to now. I’m sitting in my car waiting outside of my oldest daughter’s weekly dance class. I need to remember to ask the teacher if we can buy a new leotard because this one is already getting holes in it. Money, money, money. We will then be heading off to Costco for my quarterly stock up of nappies, bog roll, coffee and fruit snack bars. It gets better though… I desperately need to motivate myself to finish painting the bathroom.

Let’s enjoy Fathers Day knowing I’ve been a good father on Saturday. No guilt then. No anxiety. He says.