Day 271: I thought I’d write a few lines this evening as I’m feeling a little flat. As always, hard to really work out why I suddenly feel the way I do but that’s part of the joys of life isn’t it?!
Had a decent enough albeit quiet weekend. I was meant to be going on a friend’s stag doo on Saturday afternoon to Newcastle but it got called off on Friday night. I was a bit anxious about going as I’m still finding my feet back in social gatherings as a man of sobriety. That was taken out of my hands anyways but I was actually disappointed I didn’t get to face my anxiety once again. I went for my first run since last weekend today too – I pulled a shoulder muscle on Tuesday morning and have done no exercise to note so it was nice to get a 5km run under my belt with no obvious problems to the shoulder as a result. I’ve made cookies with the daughters this afternoon (Gooey Nutella choc chip cookies) and I spent yesterday afternoon on the couch drinking coffee and watching the horse racing. I’ve had worse weekends. So here I am feeling low, flat, bored, a bit sad to be honest. Hopefully it will pass and I’ll feel fine tomorrow. Monday at work is a quiet one with no meetings pencilled in so I have the opportunity to get my head down and crack on with my work with no distractions other than podcasts and Absolute Radio Country.
Typically with Christmas on the horizon attention turns to spending money on decorations and presents. The daughters will obviously be buzzing in the weeks to come and seeing them happy is one of life’s great pleasures but I do find the whole festive period nauseating at times. It seems to bring out the worst in people – I know I’ve been a right miserable git over Christmas in the past due to eating too much, drinking too much, not moving enough and spending loads of time with other people. This year will be different because I’m sober and in a better place mentally and physically but the lead up, the spending, the competition to look perfect as a family and the busy supermarkets and shops will no doubt get under my skin.
I think I just need to switch off for half an hour. Im sitting typing onto this device when I could be reading, meditating or snoozing. At least I’m not boozing.