Day 301: Dear Alcohol, what memories we have. We were a big part of each other’s lives. We met when I was 14. It was a fleeting visit on the Millennium. My parents had a house party and my Dad let me and my friends have a can of lager each. Carling I believe. My first taste. I didn’t really enjoy the taste but I knew we would meet again.
House parties and the occasional underage pint in the local pubs is where my love for you developed. We connected and I liked the feeling you gave me when we were together. I felt more confident. More relaxed. More macho. I remember drinking vodka straight out of the bottle with my mates. I remember spewing up as a result. I knew from the early days vodka wasn’t for me but I knew that you could offer much more to me than just vodka. That’s why we became so close. I really loved you Alcohol. I really did. Did you love me?
If you did love me then why did you always hurt me? We would be getting on great and then you would just turn and start getting all defensive and agitated. I didn’t like it when you did that but I loved you so I stuck around to try and support you.
I would put you before my wife, my kids, my friends and my work. I found you easier to be around. Preferably just me and you.
For years we seemed to work. Yes, you had your moments but in the main we were a constant. We were comfortable together. Maybe we got too comfortable? I think we did. No, I know we did.
We could blame circumstances for the breakdown in our relationship. Me having kids, the pandemic or my mental health condition but in reality you and I just weren’t a good fit. We thought it was working and I wanted it to work more than anything but it wasn’t real life. You were in my head and you were telling me what I wanted to hear but then you would feed me lies the next day. I’d feel confused, helpless and angry.
You drove me to do dangerous and silly things. You nearly broke me. I made the decision to leave you. I’ve not looked back. I still think about you from time to time but the life I now have is not one I want to lose. We are better apart.