I’m finding that I’m falling back into the old regularity of agitation and low mood far more often than I’d like at present. I dunno if subconsciously because I’m approaching a year sober the edge is sharpened in my mind. I’ve done brilliantly to get this far in my recovery and I won’t forget the work I’ve put in – People remind me of this all the time and it’s very motivating to get those pats on the back. We all secretly crave praise, acceptance and attention don’t we?!
As a result of feeling the way I do at the moment I’m being more vigilant about where I socialise. Pubs are best swerved and I’m not fond on larger social gatherings where alcohol is flowing. I’ve reached a number of milestones this last year by going to pubs, being around booze and doing a Stag Weekend and subsequent Wedding but that doesn’t mean I’m ‘cured’ of these social scenarios. I have to treat my ongoing sobriety with respect and if I’m ‘not feeling it’ I need to be selfish and put myself first. I won’t be forced into going into environments where I might put my abstinence and mental health in jeopardy. It might sound extreme but that’s how I need to operate and to be honest, I shouldn’t have to justify it to anybody but I choose to because being open and sharing how I feel is a big part of keeping me well.
I’m thinking about starting to attend (or at least exploring) a support group but preferably not AA. I find engaging with others in recovery on social media very helpful but I like structure in my life and I think having access to a more formal meeting or programme could be a way forward beyond where I’ve got to so far.
Drink was a big part of the problem but I drank because of my mental health issues. I need to continue to address, manage and understand that regardless if I choose to drink or not.