Day 377: It’s been all good on the personal front this last week but I feel guilty saying that considering the amount of shit that is going on in Ukraine. I try not to watch the news anymore and stopped buying newspapers along time ago because I want to reduce the anxiety and negativity in my life but you can’t avoid it when it is everywhere can you?! And I feel some kind of duty to engage with what is developing abroad because at the end of the day we are all human and just because I was blessed to be born in a very stable and prosperous Country (people moan about the UK but in the grand scheme of things…) I shouldn’t be ignorant to stuff happening further afield. Ukrainians have global support a million times over and their president has became the face of their defence of their Country. Hopefully things can be worked through with Russia although I have my doubts whenever it relates to Putin.
The Good: The anxiety and irritation that surfaced a little leading up to my one year milestone of sobriety has gone. I feel as though internally I put extra pressure on myself to reach the 365 days and carried a constant fear that it could be taken away from me when I could just about reach it. I try to live by the mantra of one day at a time but it is hard not to think ahead when you know a big number is around the corner. I got a lovely card off my wife and a few little gifts along with some acknowledgements and well wishes in the social media World so all good – I made it, appreciated it and now it is gone, like every other day before it.
Running continues to go well in the main despite my poorly chest this week. I did my longest run of the calendar year yesterday – comfortably making 10km and continuing to stay on track for the five 10km road races I have booked in 2022. I will never underestimate again the power running has on my body and mind.
The Bad: Life is too short to be angry and p*issed off all of the time and that has been so much more evident this week. The Ukraine situation and the scenes of families being torn apart hits you in the stomach – especially for me as a Dad of two young girls. Women and children herded onto buses whilst the men stay back at home to be handed arms and expected to defend their Country. I’ve been trying to ignore the usual vomit that is all over social media platforms like Twitter with one side arguing “Why do we only care about Ukraine. This shit has been happening in Syria, Libya, Afghanistan, etc for years” – Why does everything have to be a competition? And then we have those who mock others for displaying messages of support to Ukraine such as changing their profile picture to the Ukraine flag. “What will your empty gesture do to help them?” comes the usual negative patter in the timelines.
It reminds me of when I used to get so angry with two things back in the day -Driving was a big one for me. I’m certainly not a perfect driver, I don’t think any of us are but I would get the most ridiculous road rage over such trivial things. If a car got too close up behind, if a car overtook me, if somebody pulled out of a junction, if somebody didn’t acknowledge me if I flashed them out, etc.
That would stretch to when I was out running too on bridle ways and cycling / public footpaths as I would keep left and always try to give people as much space as possible as I passed either head on or overtaking but if somebody was walking or cycling towards me not keeping left I would instantly think they were the devil and deserve abuse. I really was warped.
Thankfully I am much mellow now and this new way of life means I can let most things go. My wife will dispute me saying I let all things go, but I am much better than I was and I no longer go spoiling for a fight.
The Crazy: Mr Putin.