The Depression Vacuum

Good Morning! I’m up early with the youngest and she’s busy munching toast and watching Ben & Holly on her iPad so thought I’d check in.

I try to blog regularly when I’m feeling more vulnerable and down because I know deep down it helps even though my motivation to do it nosedives.

It’s the same with everything else ain’t it? We get told that exercise, talking and all of these other things will help us when we are depressed and / or anxious but the problem is, we don’t have the energy or get go to do it! I’m not running half as much as I normally do at the moment which I know for a fact would help me but it’s getting into the mindset of putting on my trainers and just doing it instead of building up the barriers in my head to allow excuses not to.

So today is the 8th day since my last alcoholic drink. I don’t have the physical ‘want’ for a drink anymore which was very present after I succumbed to drinking last week. Progress. Mentally I’m still getting the urge to pick up and use alcohol which I know will be the case for a while but the longer I fight that urge the easier it will become.

I was at a point in my life before my relapse where I said I’d never drink again. I wanted to be that person who reached old age and could say they’d been sober for 40 years or whatever. I do think I’m too hung up on numbers though. They can be your best friend or worst enemy depending on how you present them. As I tweeted just yesterday, I could frame it as 8 days sober or I could say I’ve only had two occasions of drinking (two days!) from the last 471 days since I started this journey. Which sounds better? More impressive? More positive?

We only have today. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and yesterday is gone. We should all remember that and ensure today is the best it could possibility be for us. If it’s our last, we’ve spent it well.