I will never drink again.
That’s how easy it can be. To make the plan to never consume alcohol again regardless of where I’m at, who I’m with and how I feel. Alcohol is irrelevant. It can exist, sure. It can be around me. But it doesn’t effect me. I don’t drink ever. I’ll never drink.
It’s not easy to say that to yourself is it? I mean, if you’d just decided you didn’t want to drink anymore could you say that with the confidence and conviction I just wrote above? But it was easy for me today. Maybe not yesterday or last week but I’ve been saying this to myself all day out loud. It feels empowering.
Up to now in recovery I have been told, and used the mantra of “one day at a time” and “we only have today” – which is fine as it allows us to try and control the anxieties of the bigger, busier picture of life. We can de-compartmentalise things and focus on small wins today. Tomorrow can wait. I’ve used this method successfully in the past particularly around my mental health. It works well for Depression when you are in a shitty place. Don’t worry about work or that holiday or that night out with friends. Focus on yourself today. Fuck it, the next hour. Focus on you for the next hour. Let’s get out of bed. Make the bed. Nothing more. Let’s get up and head downstairs. A win for today.
But why apply that with drinking? I don’t want to drink anymore in my lifetime. Not on my next holiday, not on my brother’s stag doo, not at my daughter’s wedding. Not on my 75th birthday to celebrate my wonderful life up to that point. Nope, I don’t look ahead and imagine myself with alcohol. Sure, I can imagine those milestones in life and I hope they all happen but not with alcohol. Not even a glass. Why? Because I have committed to never drinking again.
Why should I count days anymore if I know I’m never drinking again? It would be nothing more than a reminder each day of the last time I drank and had a very bad day mentally. Why celebrate Day 29 when I know on Day 29 that one day I’ll reach Day 2,929?!
You might be reading this thinking I’m being arrogant about my abstinence especially after a relapse last month. But you know what? Maybe I need to be arrogant about my sobriety. I need to own it and I need to keep control. I will never drink again and that sounds bloody amazing to me. If anybody has a problem with me saying that statement it really doesn’t matter in the slightest. People can doubt me, challenge me or even mock me but it will have no bearing on my decision to not consume alcohol ever again in my lifetime.
Say this with me as you read along…
“I will never drink again”
How did that go? For me I had nothing but silence in my head after saying it. No fear, no voice saying “bullshit” or “you will” – Just silence.
The reason why? Because I have given my 100% all to investing into a life of sobriety. It really is that simple. I will never drink again. Period.