Struggling

Struggling a little at the moment. Not so much with my sobriety (thankfully) although my ‘Beast’ has been active this morning trying to get the upper hand. I’m feeling worn out and flat which is normally one of the first warning signs of a bigger problem if I don’t identify and do something about it. I’ve been through my mental health deterioration cycle enough times in my life to recognise it so that’s a huge positive in itself – identifying things aren’t quite right. The tougher step but defining one is actually doing something about it. I could feel sorry for myself like I am this morning and ultimately feel even worse later on, who knows if I’d even succumb to my beast and have alcohol but if I don’t allow it to spiral I know that I still have the control.

I don’t like complaining about life because I immediately feel guilty for doing so and thinking about people who have it worse than me but on the other hand, years of suppressing my feelings and struggles because of that mindset led to much bigger problems. I need to remember that it’s not a competition and my struggles are not comparable to the next person as we all think and process things differently with no two people being the same.

Writing is a big part of the process for me so I know once I’ve finished this I’ll read it back and already feel like I’ve achieved something. I’m not in a dark enough place to warrant an intervention, far from it but I’m in a lull and have been for 3-4 days now. If I feel like this for any more than a day at a time it’s enough of an indicator to get myself focused on managing my mental health effectively.

We’ve had a bit of illness in the house over the last week with my youngest daughter struggling with Tonsilitis, my wife bed bound with Covid and my oldest daughter yesterday coming home from school unwell. I’m for once (so far) holding strong in that respect but I think a combination or work, parenting, the general isolation of spending most of my days indoors and maybe even the mood of the Country are just taking their toll.

I’ve got Yoga Class later which will hopefully help and I’m planning on a Run at some point. I’ll maybe lay off the caffeine too because as much as I love Coffee it isn’t the best for us when we are feeling like this.

Over and out for now!