An Ode to Fee

Day 361: It’s my youngest daughter’s birthday today. She’s just turned three. This time last year I was in a deep hole and just a few days after her birthday I hit rock bottom. Nothing of course to do with my children or wife, I was in an internal battle. I wanted to write a little poem for Fee. Maybe she will read it one day.

Mornings with you used to be a pain
Hungover and tired but never again
I hated those days, just you and me
Nothing against you though, it was me you see
Head was all over, I needed a drink
I didn’t of course now that I think
I was very unhappy, with myself not you
Life was a pain and parenting was a chew
My moods were all over, I’d want to be alone
I should have been grateful with all in my home
But depression is complex and beats you right down
Alcohol was the medicine to mask over my frown
You and your sister, your Mammy there too
You deserved better than what I put you through
I finally hit rock bottom just as you turned two
But as you turn three I’m right here for you
No more blurred vision
No more missing days
I’ve loved your third birthday in so many ways
You’ll never really know how unwell Daddy got
But I’d rather you grow up knowing even if it isn’t a lot
I still remember that day you came into my life
I was immediately in love with you and so proud of my wife
I’ve never not loved you and I’d do anything you see
To keep you safe and happy, feeling positive and free
Despite all my struggles it was me, never you
But now Daddy is better, no really, it’s true

That was hard to write but today has been a lovely day and I want more days like this not like what I used to have

Happy Birthday beautiful girl x

A Poem about being Pissed

Day 326: “And here’s one I prepared earlier…”

“Waking up thinking about that first pint later

Off to the ‘local’ – A quiet one on paper

Meet with my mates, I’ll just have a few

Of course I’ll have more, I already knew

I lie to myself, my wife and my friends

A few drinks is never what I intend

I like to get tipsy. I like to get pissed

I like to get giddy. I like to get blitzed

I start drinking faster, not about the taste

Eye on the clock, no time to waste

Where should we go next? Pub closing soon

It’s pitch black outside, just me and the moon

Mates all gone home, they bottled staying out

I’ll go back home but more drinking no doubt

I’m already pissed. I’ve had eight beers

I’ll just have one more – Ah, thank you and cheers

Sitting on the couch I should be in bed

Got work in the morning and need a clear head

Oh I’ll be alright, I’ll go to sleep soon

We only live once and I’ll be sober by noon!”

My life revolved around going out to the pub but it was less about the company and more about how much I could tank in that ‘window of opportunity’. A quiet few pints at the local boozer could never be just that.